Panda Fail

Panda Fail

“Panda” is my favorite of the multiple nicknames that I’ve been blessed with. Who doesn’t love a panda? They’re adorable, and…well, they’re really cute. Some might even say that’s the reason they’re still alive. How many other species are closely protected, despite having a diet of a single food, and refusing to procreate?

I digress. I often run around singing little songs to describe what I’m doing, or thinking. Typically, it’s to the tune of “Banana Phone,” and  involves the word “panda.” Among my husband’s preferred songs are, “Panda Snack,” “Panda Phone,” and “Panda Fail,” which describe my hunger, my iPhone, and the multitude of mistakes I seem to make, respectively.

Today, I feel like a big ol’ Panda Fail. I’m not sad, or upset, really; just disappointed that I have next to no self control, and can’t seem to just pull my head out and move forward. My little panda wheels are just spinning while I complain.

Confession: I’ve never been more productive, or focused, as I was when I was 18. I look back, and I can’t believe what I was accomplishing; my weight was dropping, my grades were amazing, and I was totally on track to be a big, bad, successful lawyer. I know that none of these things are shows of my real value, but I still feel like a failure sometimes. I miss being impressive.

Confession: I’m deeply resentful of a few very specific people who are part of my daily life. Never before have I allowed myself to feel such ugly emotions. It actually makes me tear up to think about how much I wish I could say, but won’t for the sake of keeping the peace. Tomorrow, I’ll be posting about this situation, and asking for your advice as to how to move forward.

Confession: My relationship with food is out of control. Harli and I actually need to have a “sit down” discussion about him telling me “no” a bit more often. It’s my battle to fight, but it’s nice to know that he’s there to help when my will is too weak.

Confession: I’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans all weak. I don’t have any shoes that look decent with the dresses and skirts ethat I’m so passionate about, so I’m defying Modest Mom and wearing pants. I not so secretly hate this. Time to find some shoes in this Down Under world!

Confession: I still can’t find a church. The one I was going to turned out to be more of a cult than a place of spiritual growth. Oops. Sunday brings another opportunity to keep the search going.  God’s working on my heart in an amazingly difficult way, and I’m feeling very pulled to a specific area. Please pray that this one is a place that I can finally exhale.

Until tomorrow, Your  Faithful Panda Girl.

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