“The great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not.” – C. S. Lewis
In the last few weeks, my world has felt all too secure. One would think that I’d enter a period of calm and thanksgiving for all that I have been blessed with.
Wrong. I’ve been waiting for the fertilizer to hit the fan and ruin my ugly couch. Something has to go wrong, or else I’m not quite sure what I’m meant to be accomplishing in the end. In fact, so accustomed have I become to stress and worry that it has become the only way I believe I can come to God. If I’m not pleading for peace, I’m not really sure what to say to Him.
It’s been in the valleys that God and I have bonded. When I hit the hills, I get the feeling that I don’t really deserve what I’ve been given, so I inevitably screw something up so that I can have a reason to enter His throneroom. When things are good, I feel very far away from my Father.
The above quote from C.S. Lewis brought me back to center as I read it this afternoon. His love is not dependent on mine. His ways are not negotiable to fit my standards. He is not like me. And that’s a very, very good thing.
It’s a fight to remain close to my Savior. The world is full of crap, and I’m the first to admit that I buy into much of it. The materialism and constant competition that become a part of life can rule my days if I’m not careful.
Some days, I’m not at all careful. I dwell on the hurts caused by people who know very little about who I am or where I come from. My heart focuses on what I can accomplish, rather than who I can benefit. I believe the lie that I have somehow earned God’s Grace, and have little to do to keep up my end. I complain that I don’t feel close to Jesus, when I haven’t done much to spend time with Him.
On those days, I come back to Psalm 56. I read it, slowly taking in the words, then from memory repeat until my heart is again healed by His blood.
It’s His death that gives me life. It is His love that is unchanging, even when my devotion is half- hearted. That’s pretty freaking amazing.